Sharing ‣ THE ROAD WELL TAKEN

We are a group of 10 college friends who have been in touch with each other for the past 35 years. We meet once a year at one of our homes and we look forward to this day with great excitement! It is usually a mid–morning to evening affair with lunch served by the host. It takes weeks of planning, sometimes even months, if one of them has plans to visit India. It has been long since all ten of us met together because four live abroad.

Still, for those of us who are able to make it, it is a day filled with lots of laughter, teasing, sharing, and caring. We are all in the early 50’s, having graduated together from a women’s college. For each other though, we are just 17 years old, the same age we were when we all met. Many of our kids are married, a few in our group are grandmoms as well, but anyone who watches our banter would wonder if we are even grown-ups! We are fortunate to be happy, enthusiastic people with interesting stories to share.

There is usually this one friend Ms. M, who claims to be ‘too busy at work’ and cannot make the time to meet, though she lives in the same city. This time too when she said she might not be able to make it for the get-together, feisty Ms. R would not hear of it. “We meet once a year and you are saying you are going to miss it? What is wrong with you? You have to come and that is an order “, she declared.

What another friend said to this is worth sharing and it sealed the deal. She said – Dosti ke haq ke liya ladna mohabbat hai.

Translated it means – “To fight for your rights in friendship ….is love.”

It is all right in friendships to step up and insist that our friends make the time to meet and spend time together. To reminisce about good times further creates beautiful memories. When we laugh and listen to each other as we share our highs and lows with old friends, we feel valued and cared for. We learn to appreciate each other even more for what we have grown to become. Time just flies by as we discuss our hobbies and share tips on mindfulness, health and many other topics.

By being a little more courageous and proactive in our friendships, we show that we care. We must do what is good for the other, not just for ourselves. Simple gestures like picking up the phone and calling friends to wish them on their birthdays or anniversaries rather than sending them emojis on WhatsApp is a wonderful way of showing love. It brings a lot of positivity to both giver and receiver.

Friendship also means that we do not gossip about each other ever, we respect each other’s belief systems and sensitivities. We are empathetic and understanding if anyone has any worries. We are allowed to use humour to brush off anything that is being taken more seriously than it should be.

We need to invest time and effort to enjoy our friendships and keep them lively and strong. The look in a friend’s eyes and the energy (or lack of it) in their voice conveys more than words on text messages ever would, if we actually look into their eyes and listen to their voices. Sadly, these days friendships are mostly over phone screens.

Humans only need food, water, air and shelter to survive. But as C.S. Lewis said “Friendship has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

This article was originally published in The Hindu Sunday Magazine Open Page on November 12th 2023. The link is below:

https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/the-rights-of-friendship/article67525282.ece

What feelings does this post bring to you? How do you keep your friendships alive and strong?

What do you wish you should have done to retain a friendship that you lost ?

Do share in the comments below ! :))

To feel like a Ray of Sunshine, you need only to extend your hand and help others with a smile, thankful that they are receiving your help ! 🙂

It’s easier to give than to receive, for most people. However, unless there is a receiver, how can one give? It is the receiver who enables the giver to gift themselves the joy of giving. The two acts are interlinked.

Giving is a sure way to receive joy, satisfaction and gratitude just as by receiving, the receiver gives an opportunity to the giver to feel all these.

We are both receivers and givers, one way or the other.

What I learnt from my trek –

On my Kashmir Great Lakes Trek, something that struck me as amazing was the flow, balance and play between giving and receiving.

A trek lends itself to many simple ways in which one can help others. I can help someone by pulling them up a rock, holding their hand and walking with them if they have a fear of heights. If they run out of water, I can help by giving them water from my bottle. I can help by sharing my snacks if they are low on energy. I can give them a few words of encouragement to boost their mood, and lend an ear when they want to share something…

However, the more humbling and enlightening part is to become a receiver. To receive graciously and gratefully is a skill. Likewise, to ask for help with a smile when one needs it is a skill.

On the ascent to Gadsar Pass, for the first time during the trek, I knew I needed help to make it up the last few hundred meters. I stood there for a few moments, and with a smile, I reached out a hand, “can you hold my hand and help me up a bit?”. It was an interesting conversation Arvind and I had the next 15 minutes as we made it up the Pass together.

Both roles are important and are interlinked –

When the intention behind the receiving and the giving is pure and clear, it becomes a joyful, easy engagement for both. A gracious receiver uses this opportunity to show their appreciation to the giver. Indeed, by being a receiver and receiving help from someone, in whatever form that may be, the giver feels valued, capable and appreciated.

Both roles are positive as they build and strengthen relationships, and are expressions of trust and affection. We are not talking about ‘takers’ here, the ones who exploit someone’s good nature selfishly.

It made me feel happy that I could hold Ajay’s hand and help him on our descent on the last day of our trek. (He is uncomfortable on narrow high trails). Barely an hour later, it was his turn to handhold me down the rest of our descent! This balance and play of giving and receiving felt not the least bit awkward. That day will remain with us for long, making us smile when we recall it.

How blessed is a receiver to be the recipient of care, concern, affection, support and friendship!

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” –Maya Angelou

At the workplace –

The joys and benefits of giving and receiving can be extended to the workplace and other situations as well. We can help our teams achieve goals by offering help, giving guidance and ideas. On the other hand, when we need help at the workplace and do not ask or do not have the openness to receive it, it eats into the quality of work. A balance between the ‘outflow’ and ‘inflow’ of resources is good to have.

Both the acts of giving and receiving need openness of heart and mind. We need to give with an open heart just as we need to be able to receive with an open heart without judging people on their roles, worth or competencies.

This is a ‘thank you’ post to all those who helped me on my trek, and those who received from me as well. 😊

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Sharing

The Rights of Friendship

Giving and Receiving – both make you smile ! :)

What I learnt from my trek –